Here, As We Are Retreat
A retreat for women living childless not by choice
$320 CAD
MARCH 27th - 29th 2026
What to Expect:
This is a retreat where you will be given space to be Held in What Is.
This retreat is designed for women accepting a life that has unfolded differently than hoped. Whether you are currently walking through infertility, in the midst of treatments, or living in a season where circumstances beyond your control have closed the door on building a family in the way you once imagined—this space is for you.
Our time together will be unhurried and intentional. There is no expectation to fix, resolve, or reframe your story. Instead, we will create room to stay with what is —gently, honestly, and with care.
Central to this retreat is connection. You will be welcomed into a small group of women who understand this path without explanation. Women who are carrying similar questions, losses, and longings. Women who know what it means to live in the in-between.
Through shared presence, somatic practices, time in nature, and moments of quiet rest, this retreat offers an opportunity to soften, exhale, and be witnessed—just as you are.
On Saturday afternoon, we will spend time together at Cedarvale Wellbeing, a nearby wellness space thoughtfully designed to support rest, regulation, and embodied care.
During our time there, you will be gently guided through a variety of somatic, body-based practices, including breathwork, cold plunging, and sauna experiences. These offerings are designed to support the nervous system and invite the body into a deeper state of rest and presence.
Participation is always invitational. You are welcome to engage in the practices at your own pace, modify as needed, or simply rest and observe. There is no expectation to push beyond your comfort or capacity.
A catered lunch will be provided at Cedarvale, allowing space to nourish the body and enjoy unhurried time together before returning to the retreat centre.
This afternoon offers a supportive balance of guided experience, choice, and integration—honouring the body as an important part of how we process and live with what is.
The Cedarvale experience is optional and offered as an additional $95 + HST. We highly recommend joining, but participation is entirely your choice. Many find this to be a deeply meaningful part of the retreat
CEDARVALE EXPERIENCE
Cold Water Therapy
Immerse yourself in the extraordinary benefits of cold therapy at Cedarvale Wellbeing, and unlock the potential of this invigorating practice for your physical recovery, mental clarity, and overall well-being.
Reduced Inflammation
Muscle Recovery and Pain Relief
Increased Circulation
Boosted Immune System
Increased Metabolism and Fat Burning
Mood Enhancement and Stress Reduction
Improved Sleep Quality
Sauna Therapy
Immerse yourself in the incredible benefits of heat therapy at Cedarvale Wellbeing, and experience the transformative power it can bring to your mind, body, and spirit.
Immune System Boost
Heart Health & Longevity
Detoxification and cleansing Chemicals and Heavy Metals
Arthritic & Muscular Pain Relief
Skin Rejuvenation
Improve Sleep Quality
Increase Cardiovascular Performance
Increase Stress Resilience
Breathwork & Meditation
Embark on a transformative journey of breathwork at Cedarvale Wellbeing, where their expert practitioners will guide you in harnessing the profound benefits of conscious breathing for your mind, body, and spirit.
Stress Reduction and Relaxation
Increased Energy and Vitality
Emotional Release and Healing
Enhanced Mental Clarity and Focus
Improved Sleep and Relaxation
Increased Self-Awareness and Mindfulness
Release of Physical Tension and Pain
Emotional Balance and Well-being
THE LOCATION:
Our retreat will take place at the Paisley Mill Retreat Centre in Paisley, Ontario—a thoughtfully restored historic flour mill nestled along the Teeswater River.
This one-of-a-kind space offers bespoke accommodations within a building rich with history and character. Once a working Ontario mill, the Paisley Mill has been carefully renovated to host small gatherings while preserving its eccentric charm and sense of story.
The mill’s studio space is both grounding and inviting, creating a setting that feels lived-in, warm, and quietly beautiful. Outdoors, the property offers space to gather around a fireplace, wander nearby trails, or spend time by the river—inviting moments of stillness, reflection, and gentle exploration.
Guest rooms feature double beds with rustic bed frames crafted from historic wood reclaimed from the mill itself. Each room carries a sense of simplicity and care, offering a restful place to land at the end of the day.
The Paisley Mill Retreat Centre offers a generous balance of communal and private space—allowing you to be together when you want connection, and to step away when you need quiet.
The retreat space is large and thoughtfully laid out, with multiple areas for shared meals, group gatherings, and unhurried conversation. There is room to sit together by the fire, linger in shared spaces, and feel the ease of being among others who understand.
Just as importantly, the space also offers opportunities for solitude. Throughout the weekend, you are welcome to retreat to your room, find a quiet corner, walk along the river, or rest in stillness. There is no expectation to be “on” or present for everything.
https://paisleymill.ca/
THE ROOMS:
The retreat includes overnight accommodation designed to support rest, privacy, and comfort.
The main retreat space offers eight bedrooms, each with a double bed and its own private ensuite washroom. Every room includes cozy bedding and a simple, restful atmosphere—providing a quiet place to retreat, unwind, and restore throughout the weekend.
You can choose to have your own room or if you would like to save money and share a bed that is an option as well.
THE YURT:
In addition to the bedrooms in the mill, there is also a private yurt available for two guests. The yurt is a spacious 225 square feet, featuring three large windows and a central dome skylight that fills the space with natural light.
Insulated with wool felt and warmed by a wood stove, the yurt offers a cozy and unique retreat experience. Inside, there is one double bed and one single bed.
The yurt is located on the millpond along the Teeswater River, approximately 400 metres from the main mill building, offering a peaceful sense of seclusion while remaining part of the retreat setting.
RETREAT FACILITATORS
angela Lam
Over the past 25 years Ang has professionally walked with people through a wide variety of difficult circumstances, but nothing prepared her for walking herself through the gauntlet of her own infertility. The grief of "nothing happening" (no specific moments/crises or "losses" to acknowledge) was a cavernous darkness that tested her identity, her marriage, her faith and her social structure to each of their limits. A protracted experience that required a redefinition of family, a frank confrontation of self-acceptance, a reconciliation with her own body and a reckoning with social isolation and exclusion that challenged her closest relationships.
The experience of infertility is Ang's teacher that what doesn't kill you can make you stronger. She has experienced beauty from ashes even as her family continues to be made of just 2 people. Her history of surviving sexual and domestic abuse adds a layer to her experience of her own body, the process by which resilience is built, and what it means to retain agency in situations that are beyond our control. All things that influenced her experience of infertility. Ang is an optimist, but her hope is not rosy. It's gritty. It doesn't believe in potential beyond reason, but is a childlike choice to move away from the binary and make room for imagination and options.
Ang's life these days looks like an extension of the concept of family. She lives and works in a transitional community for refugee claimants to Canada. She and her partner raise potential service dogs, explore the beauty of British Columbia with awe, and are journeying with aging parents through end of life transitions. Ang has worked with survivors of multiple forms of trauma and brings a trauma-informed lens to everything she does. Through it all, Ang's full-spectrum emotional bandwidth makes room for both the body-wracking sobs and the belly laughs of life. Sometimes within moments of each other.
Siobhan KOCH
Siobhan brings a depth of compassion that can only come from lived experience. Her journey through more than twelve years of infertility included IUI, IVF, and the heartbreak of both first- and second-trimester losses. She knows intimately the emotional, physical, and spiritual toll fertility treatments can take—the hope, the waiting, the grief, and the feeling of being let down by a body that doesn’t cooperate with carefully laid plans.
Along the way, Siobhan learned what it means to release expectations and grieve the “easy road” of growing a family. Her path to motherhood unfolded in unexpected ways. She and her husband first grew their family through adoption, and later welcomed a biological son. Each chapter has shaped her understanding of loss, resilience, and the complexity of longing.
Today, Siobhan holds space for others walking through infertility and loss with deep empathy and gentleness. Supporting women through these tender seasons is not just something she does—it is deeply personal. She creates environments where grief is honoured, stories are safe, and no one is rushed toward answers or outcomes.
Siobhan’s facilitation is grounded, compassionate, and trauma-aware. She believes that healing begins when people feel seen and understood, and she is honoured to walk alongside others as they navigate the uncertainties, heartbreak, and hope that infertility can bring.
Registration is now open.
We’d love to hold a place for you.
Still not sure? You’re welcome to book a call with us to talk through whether this retreat feels right for you.
Driving?
Easy peasy. Paisley is an easy drive, and parking is available on site at the retreat location.
Flying in?
Most guests flying in arrive through Toronto Pearson (YYZ), but you’re welcome to choose the airport that works best for you:
Toronto Pearson International Airport (YYZ)
Billy Bishop Toronto City Airport (YTZ)
Hamilton John C. Munro International Airport (YHM)
We’ll have airport pickups available for retreat guests. Once you’re registered, just reach out and we’ll help coordinate timing.
Please contact Siobhan Koch at siobhan@stillheld.org
to chat about the best airport and arrival time for you.
Taking the train?
VIA Rail service is available into Toronto, and we can help coordinate the next leg of your journey from there.
Our goal is to make getting here feel as simple and supported as possible — so you can arrive, exhale, and settle in.
Getting HERE!
Planes, trains, or automobiles — we’ve got you covered.
Frequently Asked Questions
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No. Sharing is always optional. You are welcome to participate in whatever way feels right for you—whether that means listening, reflecting quietly, or sharing pieces of your story. There is no pressure to speak.
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Yes. You are very welcome to come on your own. Many attendees do. All rooms offer a private bedroom option so you can have your own quiet space to rest and recharge.
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Yes! Friends are warmly welcome. You can choose to share a room with your friend to reduce costs, or you can each book your own room. Whatever feels best for you.
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No. This is not a faith based retreat.
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No. You are welcome exactly as you are. Whether you are newly navigating a diagnosis, in the midst of treatments, or have walked this journey for many years and are living with the reality that biological children may not be possible for you—this space is for you.
This retreat is about meeting yourself in the now. It’s about sitting with what is, and finding peace, understanding, and connection with others who “get it.” Your story may not look exactly like someone else’s, but you will be surrounded by people who understand parts of your journey.
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That’s completely okay. This retreat is designed to care for you and your heart. There are many quiet spaces in the house and on the property where you can step away, rest, and reset as needed. Participation is always optional.
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No. This is not a therapy retreat. While the space is trauma-aware and deeply supportive, the focus is on connection—being with others who understand infertility and “get it.” This retreat is about care, community, and feeling less alone on the journey.
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No. While Still Held also offers retreats specifically focused on pregnancy and infant loss, this retreat is for anyone who has walked through infertility and is currently living childless not by choice.
This includes (but is not limited to): hysterectomy, endometriosis, unexplained infertility, IVF, recurrent loss, male factor infertility, or other fertility-related challenges. If infertility has shaped your story, you belong here. -
Bedding, food, and all essentials are provided. We recommend packing comfortable clothing, a journal, swimwear (for Cedarvale Wellness), and walking shoes if you’d like to enjoy the nearby trails. A full packing list will be sent to you closer to the retreat so you don’t have to worry about missing anything.
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The retreat cost is $315 per person, which includes accommodation, all meals, and retreat sessions.
On Saturday afternoon, we will gather at Cedarvale Wellness for a guided experience including breathwork, sauna, cold plunging, and lunch. This portion is $95 and paid separately. While optional, we highly recommend participating to experience the retreat in its fullness.
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Yes. The retreat fee can be split into two payments, due February 1st and March 1st.
The Cedarvale Wellness payment will be made directly to Cedarvale during the week of the retreat. -
Upon registration, guests commit to a $150 non-refundable deposit. Cancellations made on or before March 1st will receive a refund of all payments made minus the non-refundable deposit. After March 1st, refunds are no longer available due to retreat and accommodation commitments.
Not the right retreat for you right now?
If these retreats don’t feel like the right fit—whether the topic isn’t quite what you’re looking for or the dates don’t work—we understand. We will be offering additional retreats in the fall and would love to keep you informed.
You can join our waitlist below, to receive early access to details as soon as new retreat dates and themes are released.
